Greetings to every one of you beautiful souls out there! I realize that this post is going ‘viral’, as it were, well, three or so years since my last official post.
So here we sit, or at least, do I- with a conundrum of thoughts rambling through the rampage of what is my mind. I cannot quite expose a simple explanation of the eccentricities, experiences, or just plain craziness that those three or so years have held.
I find that life, as do many, comes with a significant amount of ups, downs, and plain sideways waviness that creates what we would consider facts that change our circumstances. I cannot simply agree, for what I have seen, gathered, and witnessed has been befuddling at times- yet, there just is not one word I can compose to describe what all that was.
I certainly would love to cry or lash out to you, my fond reader, but alas! I am not sure what the apprehension is that I feel towards doing so. Perhaps it’s as simple as feeling like one would become judgmental- but that’s just it. And that also is not it. I do not care one-way or the other what you think of me, or this blog, or this posting- you can leave if you like. Go ahead close the page! There, now that we both feel much better, it’s more so a respect for you- the reader.
Some of these particular incidences are perhaps a bit “shunned”, if one will, especially in most modern cultures. I feel not one bit ashamed, but this gray area that is so finely blurred between social ground, lady-likeness (please!), and properness that I feel unable to speak on the ground that I need to come from.
Frankly, I surprise myself at times at some of these feelings that present themselves- it’s amazing at the lessons that life has us learn. The simple bits are some of the most amazing parts that so many people allow to pass by. I cannot live anymore in an ignorant stupor thinking I was ‘enlightened’, yet was so extremely far from what is exactly that.
I therefore will not live anymore with closed eyes. I have seen so much in my lifetime, yet in just those three or so simple years, I truly believe that there has never been such a point reached before by my spirit. I gently sit here just with this feeling of gratitude, and pure awe that has never been embarked on by my soul.
I have come to realize that no matter what I could possibly go through, now there is not one single thing that I could never handle. I think that when the spirit is tormented enough- well past what it is capable of, and then we simply are.
All I ever wanted so little ago was daily shelter and to be clean and sober. Now I have that, and so much amazingly more.